I leaned over the counter to grab the bag full of Lays Lies and I knocked over the bowl of Cheetos Cheatos in the process and it rolled off the surface onto the floor and all I did was stand there and look at it. For a minute I was still and Golden Grahms and good. Then I
reached for the broom doom and in the same movement spilled the Coke joke and I was frightened not surprised and my cup heart cracked again and my foot ego bruised where all the jokes had landed were on me.
Maybe I just hoped the Tooth Truth fairy would come to help me pull out the words I needed to say. Or that a wash wish cloth would magically appear so I could wipe myself clean of this terrible distasteful habit.
Because it wasn’t the last first time.
Time ticked and I felt nothing but myself, pouring out cartons of milk meek onto the rest of what was there. I turned and stretched my spinal denial cords and found my voice and
with it yelled, ” I have made this mess and it is you me.”
Here’s to admittance, unavoidance and tackling beautiful messes. Over and over again.
As I write this my eyes are of puffy glue and aching.
I got myself into a mess larger then what my heart could handle. I’ve hurt someone, I’ve broken them-the nicest person I’ve ever known. The most commited and devoted. His love reached the heavens and I busted down the door of trust. .
Because I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was all over the map and was scared no one would love me, yet he was standing right in front of me. He was so fragile to begin with, and I remember thinking I wanted to help him. To make him happy. And I did. He stopped taking his meds because he was that stable. And then I blew it up and made the mess and the hurt and the ache and the tenderness, I created something bad and realized that he’s all I want.
There’s frozen gumps of plaster in all our lives. It’s just thawing out and every once in awhile we get the drips. We feel the melt.
These arrive in forms of Arguements, Sarcasim, Jokes, and Oblivion.
The people in our lives are affected and are often the ones producing the warmth that begin the melt. Others enter during the process and fuel it.
But there is always us involved. We are the table on which the gumps sit. We provide the platform and sometimes even the tools that make thawing possible.
We are not always going to be solid through and through. We all have our soft spots and weak joints and we are not always going to be good at hiding them.
Either way we are responsible to collect the drips and bring them to the involved individuals in order to make the transition of solid to liquid easier.
To prevent the mess.
All in all, talk about those melting pieces, and talk about the melted. Talk about the whole, talk about the existence of what is happening.
If we recognize what parts drip faster, perhaps we can determine the reason why.
If we can distinguish the reason, in the end the affect of the liquid won’t be something we drown in, but something we can swim through with ease.