In order to live life good, goes it have to be difficult? When you are coming from years of a bad habit, to work against it on a constant basis, that’s not easy. And ongoing after ongoing, it just feels like life is just this. Striving to rid yourself of something you accepted. Oh but all the things to know beyond this place. All the things to learn about myself beyond where I am now. Is that the dig dug down fuel? Is that what I believe in?
My tastebuds linger of yours
The smell of your scent that always seems to stay the same
My hands in your hair, wrapped around the strands I braided for fun
16 months ago.
You had opened up the door before I had even reached it
shut it and you stepped out and you took two steps toward me
with a pained expression on your face
and for a second, I thought you were going to hit me.
But you sweeped me up without caution
and pulled me so close
your arms around my back, my legs around your hips
your hands moved under the back of my shirt
just to feel my skin.
Your hands moved to my head
feeling the tangles of my hair
to my face you felt my cheekbones
and I whelmed right up to the brim
It’s a rare morning I wake up to. With baby sleeping, time awake, and my brain right in that location of goodness for writing. Marvelous spot.
Even though I begin this post without much knowledge as to what it will be filled with, I know that I want to write and that I want to post.
I am here in Canada with my boyfriend and I have realized that I have neglected him over the weeks that we have been here. My family has undergone some major changes and upheavel, we’ve went out and I’ve introduced him to my family and friends..all with a new baby in our arms.
It’s very different. In Thailand its just him and I. And Zeek. We don’t have many friends there, so we are throwing time in for each other, watching it whirl its cycle and loving it. Loving the focus. The focus that is deprived here.
I am here for a limited time.
But that doesn’t justify my neglect with my partner.
I see my parents in me. Walking around each other under the same roof. But not ever any real passion or questions on how the day was or what they did.
I see them in me and it scares myself to bits.
My boyfriend is quite the opposite and talks everything over and asks me how I am when we’re out and makes sure I am comfortable and happy. Since here I realized that I could be the cause of that dwindle. If I don’t give back, if I make him feel very distant from me, why would he want to continue asking after me?
I understand there is a selfless state that comes with any relationship and love. But in this situation I see that I have not been fair and have almost pushed him aside even though he is one of the most important people in my life.
No matter the limited time, no matter how busy or how tired, it is so very very important to make the effort and connect with your loved one.
Do it consciously for a certain length of time and before you know it, you’ll be doing it without thought.