Powerful

I was too powerful to let anything interrupt it.But that was the problem.
I needed to be interrupted.

Power  and what you do it with it, can be a negative. Just like energy and batteries.
Power can make you lose sight of value and worth.
You can even drown your own self in the pool of it.

We need to be interrupted sometimes so cat paddle slow, keep arm floaties on and don’t let powerful sink you.

To Get Through Anything

That was the way you and I spent our holidays. Dining on tulips and lavender.
I told you I wanted your motion to swing me upside down so I could see the heat of your heart reach your feet.

And then I felt your brain and ideas pile into the front seat of my car. And for a mile I thought I’d gone south. But I felt the chill of reality seep through the static in the radio and knew we’d done it again. We sewed our breath to each others’ and lasted the cold away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conceivement

Candles broke the darkness,
in a wavering blend of ocean strings,
playing for the pale blue wall
the motion all for hopeful king.

The light unleashed the power
in a concert of eyesight sound,
the slow and tender features
came swift in rubber crown.

Wax of inherited warmth
now hardening in trend,
the symphony now slowing;
crownless king to dance again. 


With royalty and stillness
the room is brought to flame,
the heat enough to boil love
inside where life shall reign. 

 

 

Wind and Life

There’s something about wind: the flow of air that we cannot see but can feel, that riddles my skin to magic.

We see the leaves flutter and hear them.
And it is the unseen.

The same as such in life.

There are events, experiences, moments…essentially Time, that happens in everybodys life.
And the person is a subject of the unseen.
Wind does damage, wind does beauty, just as time does.

There is a force out there that we don’t see and it affects each one of us.

We can be the fluttering strength of a flower who won’t let go of it’s roots or the tree that crashes to the forest floor.

We get to choose how to deal with the wind of our life. 

The Battle

The silence fills the temples of my brain
so that it roars with the consistency of you.
Your echo reaches into the walls
the ones you navigate so well through
and in them, continue your empire.

Sometimes out into the butterflys of the air
I say,
” You’re dead, you died, you’re gone.”
The power of convincing is a strong weapon
and I have my heart arms around it tightly.

The windows cloud with discontent,
upset at you for making my thoughts
distinct repeats
while
my heart on the other hand
holds hands with yours
and says
” You’re alive, you live, you are here.”

A battle between two things
that are within
two feet of existence of one another,
the head and the heart.
How does one make them best friends?

 

A Way To Handle Negative

A man named Negative. He throws himself at you wanting to craze up your innards and make ya combust into specks of nothing. Negative wants ALL of us doomed to specks! It wants to take over the world and if we let it, it will.

So here’s how we’re gonna stop it.

Let’s take self. We’re gonna build up an immune system to Mr.Neggypants and we’re gonna start with that ingrained desire to live happily. We’re not going to attack, we’re going to be slow mo human bots for a little while until we get the hang of this.
When Negative enters into our life zone, whether it has surged in and caught us off guard or  eased over the lines, we’re not going to overreact. We are going to be the slow charge that releases an air of nonchalance. We’re not going to give it the satisfaction of our shock, distaste,sadness or our fury. Cause’ that’s the stuff it feeds off of and it will eat it ALL and when it’s finished that, it will want MORE.
We are the mighty, the strong, and we’re going to prove it.

If we view Mr. Negative as a poor lost speck himself; bored and alone, a sad creature stuck in a realm of beauty, ( that’s me and you ) well, he’s a lot easier to conquer.
Show him you’ve switched the controls around to YOU.
Take THAT, Mr. Negative.

You won’t be able to stop him from popping into your life entirely so when he comes around you can say, ” Yah, I know you- but yo, you are not turning me into dust, man. ”   With your continual resilience you are building a resistance.
Eventually, your reactions get smoother, you’re more grounded in confidence and the effect of Negative becomes less negative and more…well…positive. 
Prove to yourself and to everyone around you, that your life is worth so much.
So much in fact, that letting Mr.Negative dissolve you into a speck of nothing is not even the last thing you’re going to let happen.
You’re not going to let it happen at all. 

 

And you’re positive about that.

Ache a Lake

If this is the process of a heart opening up to love,
well damn,
feeling just got an infinate times more tender.
My sensitive guts, oh come on now!

I feel broked open!
Airing out my heart has never happened
until now!

it’s the only thing on the line

blowing in the wind and those dusts and specks, yeah! They blast into my blood line and stream through me like they know they ain’t supposed to be there
and it brings me to my knees, oh like heckaloo it does.
I’m bending out of a tree and I just want to feel limp
to not feel the split open of my heart
all the strings and power and muscle exposed
just hurting aching longing

Lake Heart Ache.
what a fricken real life thing .

 

Dayla 17/April 17

40 minutes. The first 20 to do with jogging and linear movement that contained the length I did not have a lot of yesterday.
My headstand wasn’t as impressive today but I did crunch down and hold more than my 90 degree angle. I dangled from the tree again, did a few situps with my feets hooking me onto the limbs and then I did some dancing ab focus.
Then I went up in the garage attic and got the hula hoops down. I am no pro. But I am a funner. I tried my neck, my arm, and my knee caps and my stomach was hurting just from laughing at myself.

Then I got on the four wheeler and blew my fantastic stink off.

Power Rising

A week ago a friend told me about a Church Easter Hunt,free pancakes,Service type a deal.
One week later I walked into that church having not told her I was going to go,with my son not knowing anyone.
Into the eating place, a boy from my sons school runs up. We sit with his mom and sisters.

I stand beside that Mom while the friend that invited me looks after the children in the nursery. My son and her son have interacted more with one another than we have. I feel at peace.
This is cool.
This is the socializing I would like to become more involved in. I am good at it. I like the confidence I can feel in knowing I am doing something that feels comfortable. Like my old self used to do with ease, with grace. With connection and soul and listening. I’m a pro.
Just over the years I started thinking too much.I was the minority for one thing, in the country of Thai Language, and then coming back here since I had lost a lot of my self over there, I couldn’t really stand on two feet conversing and feel good about it.

Here’s to yet again, more new changes coming.

Go life, go me.

Visit is Ending Soon-Preparation

Two weeks before I go.
Once Thailand hits my feet, there will be plenty of change.
Putting house on market. Possibly getting rerouted to work out of Nakon. A town in the middle of no where-which is where we started out before pregnancy entered our lives.
It is emotional these days as I feel the weight of the clock hand ticking. People I see now-it may be the last time I do.
Because it has happened before.

Our plan to move back to Canada is happening faster than we thought. And as I sit at the counter in the house I grew up in, it seems difficult for me to grasp it. Like I’m not ready to handle the move. To start the process.
But it is because I am here. In the country I am in. Two weeks left.
When I think of what living in Canada will do to us, how it will change our relationship dynamic completely… I hesitate.
Let me get through this big change first. Of leaving the ones I love behind. Of leaving the places and smells and food I love. Of leaving my attatchments and ability to speak properly. Conversations and pictures I gleam for.
Let me get through the airports and tears and weakness. Through the 18 hour hour flights and the sleepless 24.
I must build for that now. To mentally prepare so that I can do it without falling apart in the isle on the Boeing 777.
I am strong and my focus must be slowly directed there. For that is how I can do it, each and every time that I have.