It’s nice to come home to my little fairy world of you guys. It really is.
And that’s the problem.
You start liking the ability to relay all to the online world. To have people continue reading and still liking and still following your reality stories, when the actual people in your reality don’t know what you think living a livable life means or your exercise patterns or that your parents are mid divorce
We have to watch out. Plain and simple.
We get so comfortable in this place. It’s loose, it’s freeing. No wonder we do.
But the more we indulge here, the further from active, productive lives we get.
Sure as heck we can write about how to make life fantastic, but if we’re checking back in every 3 hours to see how many likes we have on that post or any more follows, we’re not really following ourselves on our words. Follow ourselves.
Don’t just write it to me BE a life thats beautiful so that as a book in the end, it’s better then any post you’d ever think up.
The last two weeks have been a continuous range of frustration and disappointment. My brain I feel, has been melting. Into liquid puddles that drip out of my ears.
I don’t know why it is all of a sudden. But I know it has been a long time coming.
The main line is. I feel dumb.
I don’t know if any of you have felt this way after living abroad for so long. I don’t know if it will go away or if the thought and the feeling will continue to pop up until I am back in my home country .
I actually get confused as to whether it is more of a thought or a feeling.
Sometimes I wonder where my brain really is.
I don’t wonder if it would be happening in Canada because I know that it wouldn’t. My mind isn’t to turned on here. And so I guess I should be taking steps to prevent the puddles I’ve got left, from dripping out entirely. Maybe I can splash around and build stuff and make this liquid productive. Things that my husband point out in which I feel like an idiot for not seeing or noticing. No one ever tells me I’m dumb so this is all in a home in my head.
It’s got small windows so no sun stains or dust are around. It is clean because Dumb is tidy and wants to stay long. I had no qualms with him until he began pounding on the walls of the hallways. He thinks this is okay because this is what he thinks he’s supposed to do.
I will start renting out to Smart and I will let Smart be right next door to Dumb and I will see how Smart stops the dripping.
Dumb will not conquer me!