It shifted. A few days ago it did.
When I finally set myself free.
When I did what I needed to do. And it couldn’t have happened any sooner
because I wasn’t ready to let go.
This was in my heart all along.
So as much as this is a beginning, it still feels like it is gloriously aged cheddar.
I guess that’s what happens when you finally make your own hearts whispers’ a priority.
Whirl of words stacking as they twist behind my ears and on my eyes. The lull slams into my system, beige and heated
and I always feel one of two things:
#1 : Agitated. ‘Not again.’ This matter of fact,
” You’re still in the same position,” chortle
into my face.
#2 : Motivational Burst. ‘ Been here too many times, let’s actually
make the difference this time. ‘
My mind feels like it’s about to birth this exceptional mentality that I’ve only had a few times in my life. That determination and strict are going to enter the picture and turn me forceful into what I want for myself.
I am waiting still, I will not push for it, I will let it come to me– for the rest of the contents to seep into my system.
I’m 26 years old and a few weeks ago I figured out the person I want to be in life.
Up until a few years ago, I assumed I liked who I was. And when I shuffled through a few years of my life, I realized I was only convincing myself through other people. That I was creating a happy that existed only because of who I surrounded myself with.
It’s not as easy as taking out all those people-they are not even to blame.
It was me all along,focusing on making a person that guys liked. Creating this hole to not even China, but to nowhere.
It’s taken a blow, a very low setting in life, to figure out the things I don’t need to change, but want to change.
And the desire to is what changes it all. For a few years now, I knew I needed to change if I was going to be happy with myself. But I didn’t because I got comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I feel ready now, to step back into life;ready to make choices instead of reacting to what comes my way.