Relief

It shifted. A few days ago it did.
When I finally set myself free.
When I did what I needed to do. And it couldn’t have happened any sooner
because I wasn’t ready to let go.
This was in my heart all along.
So as much as this is a beginning, it still feels like it is gloriously aged cheddar.
I guess that’s what happens when you finally make your own hearts whispers’ a priority.

Rising Mentality

Whirl of words stacking as they twist behind my ears and on my eyes. The lull slams into my system, beige and heated
and I always feel one of two things:

#1 : Agitated. ‘Not again.’ This matter of fact,
” You’re still in the same position,” chortle
into my face.

#2 : Motivational Burst. ‘ Been here too many times, let’s actually
make the difference this time. ‘

My mind feels like it’s about to birth this exceptional mentality that I’ve only had a few times in my life. That determination and strict are going to enter the picture and turn me forceful into what I want for myself.

I am waiting still, I will not push for it, I will let it come to me– for the rest of the contents to seep into my system.

 

 

 

 

Ready-bloom

There’s a cradle filled with hope,
and a dirty that holds soap.
There’s a window full of moon
and a sun
in ready-bloom. 

I’ll scrub the windows clean
and I’ll take one for the team.
I’ll make the bed; for what it’s worth
I’ll do my best,
not better
nor the worst. 

Hold me up to shining light
see through me and find no fight.
Shut the blinds and search my room
find nothing but
a sun in ready-bloom.

 

 

Freeing

I’m 26 years old and a few weeks ago I figured out the person I want to be in life.

Up until a few years ago, I assumed I liked who I was. And when I shuffled through a few years of my life, I realized I was only convincing myself through other people. That I was creating a happy that existed only because of who I surrounded myself with.
It’s not as easy as taking out all those people-they are not even to blame.
It was me all along,focusing on making a person that guys liked.  Creating this hole to not even China, but to nowhere.
It’s taken a blow, a very low setting in life, to figure out the things I don’t need to change, but want to change.
And the desire to is what changes it all. For a few years now, I knew I needed to change if I was going to be happy with myself. But I didn’t because I got comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I feel ready now, to step back into life;ready to make choices instead of reacting to what comes my way.
I am ready to live.