Freeing

I’m 26 years old and a few weeks ago I figured out the person I want to be in life.

Up until a few years ago, I assumed I liked who I was. And when I shuffled through a few years of my life, I realized I was only convincing myself through other people. That I was creating a happy that existed only because of who I surrounded myself with.
It’s not as easy as taking out all those people-they are not even to blame.
It was me all along,focusing on making a person that guys liked.  Creating this hole to not even China, but to nowhere.
It’s taken a blow, a very low setting in life, to figure out the things I don’t need to change, but want to change.
And the desire to is what changes it all. For a few years now, I knew I needed to change if I was going to be happy with myself. But I didn’t because I got comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I feel ready now, to step back into life;ready to make choices instead of reacting to what comes my way.
I am ready to live.

What I Created

For the first time I am afraid of the city I left.
The black concoction I swirled and mixed and added things to for years,
the drink I was never around long enough to take a sip of,
is now the very drink I must drink.
I am forcing myself to.
Because I am not going to find happines anywhere in life, if I am not happy with self.

The time period, the age I thrived in,left years ago.
And I am only now, figuring that out.
I’ve lifted my head up and realized that the only way I found ‘happy’ was by attention and distraction.
You can’t get that stuff when you’re holding a drink of black.