We’ve all got opinions that make up who we are. Somewhere along the way they are formed. There are many factors that make up who we are and some, we don’t even understand.
It is silly to get upset ( but very natural ) over someone else’s feelings of what you have said or done. People get offended or hurt easily so sometimes it makes it difficult to say what we really want to say. We shy away from other peoples feelings.
But people need to grab an exterior, fit for truthfulness. For if we all shy away from hurting anothers feelings,we’re gonna walk the park with chocolate on our cheek or our fly down.
It’s normal to get defensive and react quickly but maybe we all need to really think about what is going on in the situation. Did that person really mean to insult me? Was he doing me a favour?
We should think of it more like this way:
Did that person have to express what they were feeling? Did they have to tell me that story where they felt vulernable or weak. Did they have to tell me who texted them or who stopped by earlier?
In relationships, we want to be open. We want the doors cracked off their hinges so that there is in fact, no doors at all. We want to feel secure with those doors off and we want the other to too. So what better way to provoke that open spirit, then to accept truth and reality with an exterior that is willing to take a few dings and to feel a few things. To understand that our words may hurt each other, but that hurt or sadness gives us an opportunity to express our very natural feelings. And an opportunity for that other person to accept, embrace and ultimately, love.
My head is spinning and I’m whirling myself into people’s arms hoping to make some impact.Hoping they won’t be able to forget me and I am neglecting my child and own sister and mother and it hits me today that going back is going to be harder than ever before. Not exactly the leaving part. But the living there part. I have now experienced this life with friends and child.I have finally combined them too in a rapid pace and I am clinging to it.
I have no energy for my child. I am pushing him away as I step outdoors and gulp the last of this air. The people glow. I am feeling guilty and worn and my voice is half gone. I am pushing myself on 5 hours of sleep at night. I am doing as much as I can in the time I have. I am getting frantic and simple things are now making me whimper. Planning to meet people is becoming difficult and I am snapping at my mother.
My ends are unravelling and I feel at this point I have no control. Nor do I want to. My eyes are set on here and now. On the stuff that I won’t have for much longer. I tell myself I’ll be better in Thailand. That I’ll fix this madness. That there won’t even be anything to fix. But deep down I know, something is up. I’m not a good mother here and I don’t know if I will be as good of one over there as I was before I left to visit Canada.
I am scared.
I am emotional.
I am breaking down.