Life Evaluation

I have begun a reevaluation of my self and life, attempting to straighten things out and then I recognize
 that it actually feels impossible.
And that I really feel I need to see a councilor.
I actually feel a bit messed up.
I am on a flimsy raft of lies, and that raft is on a sailboat of them and that sailboat is on a ship. I’ve been sinking for the past four years.And I can’t get out of the room with the captain seat.Or maybe I should be in it, just steering in a different direction. Or maybe I really should be on a different mobile altogether.
I have read all those fancy quotes and even articles and books, on living a full life and being true to oneself and being honest and love yourself and make good choices and WHAT.
I can know all this and believe it and yet nothing comes from it because well,where does one start?? Not at the beginning,surely. Of course that’s where, but WHAT is that.

Cookies In The Middle

Last night I had wine down by the river. In a silver thermos.
My friend and I walked the length of a ship that was docked across from a restaurant and we pretended there were doors on the side of the rig. We felt the ropes that tied the boat down. They were the size of my arms.
I stepped in a huge puddle and laughed with the geese. We stood on the playground boat and talked about where the boat would take us. It’s the same boat we stood on over a year ago on the last day I was in town.
I wore all green.
Half a bottle of wine and I was in for a good giggle. We walked to Tim Hortons to meet two other friends. My cheeks were rosy and the lighting in the place made my eyes feel funny.
I think the real purpose of this post is to talk about the three cookies that I ordered. I ordered two at first and set them down in the middle of the table for us all to snack on. I think I got about 4 bites pulled off in total. I gave my friend a toonie to get another one. Because I wanted more than four bites of two cookies. He came back with it and I set it in the middle again. If I wanted to eat it so bad I’m not sure why I did that. I pulled a piece off and we began chatting. Not even one minute later I went to have more of the cookie. There was one piece left. If anyone was looking at my face they would have noticed how surprised I was. I didn’t care much then. I really didn’t.
I thought of my three friends and how low it was to snag so much cookie from me. It’s simple and childish and I shoudn’t have put it in the middle. But I just figured it would be more shared. Like friends do, right?
I expected my friends to let the one that bought the cookie, eat at least half of it.
Anyhow,
I solved all this irritation today by going to Tim Hortons and buying two chocolate chip cookies.I ate them both slowly, and came to the conclusion that I was no longer going to put cookies in the middle of the table.