A Blow Up

As I write this my eyes are of puffy glue and aching.
I got myself into a mess larger then what my heart could handle. I’ve hurt someone, I’ve broken them-the nicest person I’ve ever known. The most commited and devoted. His love reached the heavens and I busted down the door of trust. .
Because I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was all over the map and was scared no one would love me, yet he was standing right in front of me.  He was so fragile to begin with, and I remember thinking I wanted to help him. To make him happy. And I did. He stopped taking his meds because he was that stable. And then I blew it up and made the mess and the hurt and the ache and the tenderness, I created something bad and realized that he’s all I want.

A Point in Marriage

There is a point in marriage I think.
Well, there are a lot of points. But this one I’m talking about, it involves the decision of commitment. You take the vow on the day, for certain.
But it comes back numerous times throughout the marriage and you must make that conscious decision of ‘yes, i’m sticking with this’.
Maybe it doesn’t happen with everyone. Maybe some don’t really acknowledge the choice; that there isn’t one because of that first vow. But to me, a sign of love is making the choice continously. Because love is work. Love takes so much effort and it has more substance when it is something you choose to be in, rather than in because of a vow you made 6 years ago.

It can be a good thing to be aware that you can get out. And that you won’t, because of love.
Of course, in instances of abuse and the like- I would argue changes need to be made.
And if not, the commitment should end.

When we realise the power we have, the decisions we make are more valuable.
When we realise we are staying together, whether it is a question or not- we can be proud of that decision.
Let us feel bits of happiness for making a promise to be with someone for the rest of our life-and
keeping it.
The divorce rates are scary high and we know that marriage is work. It will almost be the hardest thing we do.
So let’s give ourselves some credit and acknowledge the fact that love has brought us here and it is love that will carry us through.