You Guys, a Part of my Home

Sometimes I think about you humans while I’m out. I was in Aisle 7 the other day and had the urge to just get home and write about how often I hate that I hide when I see someone I know.
I feel the comfort in my soul to know you are here. That I can come home to you and it doesn’t matter if you haven’t read all my posts to know what you can about me, but just the fact it is out there for your eyes to find.  It’s part of a success. The amount that is laid out here, it is fascinating for my heart to feel.

It makes bringing the dark and scary and wobbly personas of myself to the table (outside of WordPress), more of something I feel capable of doing.

Thanks Cyber Room. For helping to make the other rooms of my house be filled with more me.
Thank you.

 

Dizzy but Not Waiting

You stood there in my life and I wondered what you were doing besides making my heart and head go merry go round crazy.

‘You were figuring it out,’ I had supposed, and I gave you time to do so.

All the while collecting dizzy.

I took my energy and I pummeled it into exercise- I didn’t want to wait around idle. It felt good and eventually it felt less like I was waiting about and more like I was living my life. 

 

We are All Stories

I have a blank head at the moment.
But anytime I’ve been away from the computer the past two days, I have a consistent thought.
‘Post Something.’

I’m going to let force myself to slip into a careless, functioning part of stillness and float.

 

 

It’s all stories.

Everyone is one. Everything we say and do, is at least a part of one. That One is Yours.

Then we have the impacts. We’re all characters with roles we don’t even know we’re playing.
The amount we relay and to whom is a part of our character. People percieve it at all different levels, but the fact that we’re now apart of not just our one story, but theirs too,  is kind of cool. Right?

You fill up your vehicle at a gas station that has really great fuel prices. Your aunt tells her friend that, and her friends son goes to that exact gas station and sees a friend that invites him out to a baseball dance party game slash whatever sounds awesome right here and he has such a great time and meets his future wife.

We are all connected.

 

 

 

 

And hey,
I guess a blank mind is never actuallly blank.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Better Conclusion. For Life.

Sure, his family may think I had a guy over and had sex with him. Sure, his family may think I invited that guy to their sons’ hockey game.
Sure they may think I am a cheater, a lier, and a downright terrible person.

The idea of that family, whom I grew so close with and loved being around, disliking me and thinking things about me that are not true, is a really crappy feeling.
It turned me sick quite often last month.

But here is my healthy conclusion: 

They are seven people. And yes, they have friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/wives that will assume they know the story which adds more people to the list. Let’s say 14 altogether.

They are 14 individuals.

Out of the however many billion on this planet.

I can move forward and represent myself better and the best.
I can meet one hundred new, loving, friendly people who will get to see the best version of me I have.
I will forever be sad when I think about that family hating me, but one has to move on.I am not used to being disliked but my choices from the far past have made the assumptions alive.

So I must live with that. And be a better person who makes better choices to prevent the next 14 people, from thinking I’ve done nothing better, than cheat on their son. 

That’s my brilliant conclusion this week and it feathers my spirit to flight.

Day four of no drink. 😉