It is a Big Day

Well I’m not drunk this time.
But I’ve got some big news to share.

My three year old son meets his biological father for the first time today. As of right now, there are no memories attatched to this man. Z has no recollection, no idea that he was made because of two people in love in another country.

Yes, he was there when my son was born. We stayed together for a year or two after.
But those spaces in the brain,
that is not what son remembers.

So after a year and three months they shall meet at my parents log house and I shall stand by and watch very closely. Every tidbit of strength and understanding coming to the platform. Perhaps I will see similarities that I never knew of before. I am proud and excited to show him my dedication and devotion of over a year, in the creating of this boy that is our son.

May the papers over this little boys head, go smooth and easy.
Let us be adults.
Good ones.

 

Outta the Black

This marks the first post of mine in October of this year.
In a few weeks my son turns three.
That fact waters the terrain of Emotional Motherland like no other. But that’s okay. That’s a rich feeling. That makes trees and grass and lakes. That makes for a beauty of a landscape.

I’m on more stable grounds. It feels good to rid yourself of every single thing of something you were apart of. I’d never done that so thourougly before.

I feel closer to pure than I have in awhile. I knew going through dark spaces was okay. Inside them thinking, I just want to feel the worst of it all right now. Because that feels the best.

And then you come out of that space and life looks a lot more clearer, feels a lot more cleaner and drives you to be a whole lot better.

And bettering to me,
is a way of life.