I Arrive Here

You do not complete me. 
I am a whole strong individual without you. If you die before me, I will still be here.

I am capable of making myself happy. I can make myself laugh, smile and cry.
I don’t need your love to feel full,
I have my own love
for me. 

And I love to dance with me.

You are not my life. I am my own.
I am beautiful standing alone. 

I do not need you in my life.

I want you.
I choose to want you.

I choose to put my time,energy and love towards you.
I am choosing to let your life be a part of mine.
I am choosing to spend my life with yours.  

I choose to love you
because now,
I am able. 

I am finally whole on my own.

We Are All Just Learning

I think sometimes we forget that we actually have to learn stuff.

That we aren’t born with all these adequate features that make living seem like something we’ve done a hundred times over.

 

No. We have to learn behaviours, methods and techniques.We go through trial and error and gain knowledge by failure.

All of THAT, all of the above, takes TIME. It’s called Experience and sometimes it takes 4 of the same mistakes to get it right.

And thats okay.

As long as we are always trying to improve, we can’t be so hard on ourselves or each other. If we don’t embrace the times we mess up, we end up carrying around a whackload of weight that we haven’t learned anything from.

And what good are tomatoe seeds in our pocket, if we don’t know how to put them in the earth and grow them.
What good is weight, when we have the ability to soar.

Learn to learn,
and you’ll be yearning to learn more. 

 

 

Tree of Subsistence

Wood curves around my spine
the knots in my back tie me up
into this brittle ringed museum
that have my existence on a stand.
Cold, harsh, lighting in this soft, warm place
the contrast meet, collecting power on instant
storming onto my branches and roots

I greet strength and I grow
branches touching clear walls
My automatic tendencies uncoil me
into long lengths of reality
so pure that I am exhausted
at the beginning of the day.
I am filled, I am stilled
I am in a glass case.

 

Do.

Since I’ve  been on this site a massive amount in this month of Marchy March, I’ve wondered a few things about us on here.

About what we’re like in person.
About where we are when we post, write and read.
And if the world of sigh-brr is the only place that knows what we’re typing.
And if so, how many of us that means are ungenuine, untrue and lying to self and lonely in the real world.

I picture the world whizzing around you sitting, huddled in a comfy chair in a building. While a couple of teenage friends toss grand stories around or where older generations are laying out fragments of future plans on the coffee stained tables.

And I feel a little sorry for you.
And I feel a little sorry for me.
After configuring the amount of time I spend on here-which I do very much enjoy – I realize it’s enough time for the need of unbalance to become balanced again.
I need to go do what I’ve been writing of and internally psyching myself up for. ( Between the ideas of death and all )  Instead of being the one huddled around, divulging my learnings to you sigh-burring peoples ( all though I’ve told a few pals what’s been what )
( and hey, sometimes we all need a little bit of that time online) but too much of that time for me,  will eventually make my ideas of living better, dissipate; because nothings been done with them.

“Do.” Me Says. ( I really did say it outloud just now )

It’s Already Better

So that’s the scoop.
My mom left the house yesterday morning. Moving truck and all. Her room is now empty and the house feels much better.

I feel happier. I have my son back.
It is a good feeling, with small pocketfuls of clouds.

Rearranged a lot of the house today. I don’t feel bad about it.

It looks and feels better.

This is okay, this is going to be okay.

Text Machines like OldTimes

We texted for 30 minutes last night, back and forth. About fun,goofy,giddy things that held no weight but the deep sense that we were communicating like we did when we first started dating.  You told me you had dropped a knife on your foot while putting the silverware away.

Then today you texted me first, telling me you had got it stitched up.
And back and forth for over an hour, our texts transferred to one anothers phones.

You still love me and you know it.

And you blew it

You know, at what point do you stop and say,
I had everything And I Blew it.

At the point when your life basically falls apart, is when.
That’s when .
There’s no other when .

It has to get to the worst it’s ever been,
the worst you’ve ever believed it to be at the time,
for you to understand that you had everything
and you blew it.

Waiting it Out

Trying so hard to make something broken work.
Trying to get it back together. Trying trying trying.
And part of trying is waiting. Timing. Letting time pass. It’s a little agonizing.
It’s not that fun.
Not that fun at all.

Oh I cling to hope like I have never before and try and press my thoughts to the sides of better walls. Don’t go in circles, don’t go in circles, you’ll only get dizzy and fall. 

 

Stay upright, stay a strength of stable. Hold onto your hope and time.
It will work out, it will work out, it will work out.