Blank, you know ?
It doesn’t have a living brain to remember the last canvas you did.
It’s today; always blank, without any notion you painted yesterday all black
or ate a 549 calorie sized dessert.
It’s today, you know? Blank like you’ve never brought brush to white.
It’s just like that.
The sight of the sky this morning was a visual that jumped on my breath and rode a few of them away.
In awe but in my living room, I stood
my insides fluttering around this rising intensity.
It flopped right out of my eyes as gloss.
And out of my mouth as grin.
my son waved energetically and blew me a kiss back
as his bus was pulling away.
It’s happened a few times before within the four years I have had this blog.
That come home, check WordPress feeling.
Of continually wanting to write and express and tell the cyberworld all the things I see in a day.
Like the nailpolish of a- I swear-92 year old woman. There is no way she could have got it done professionally. For in all the blob nation, from cuticles to finger wrinkles, it was like a paintball had exploded on each nail.
I grinned inside and thought inside, ‘ hey, what’s 92 gonna be like without giving nailpolish a try’.
It’s good to recognize the fall and rise of days. Waking up, knowing that today you don’t feel so well. That you don’t quite want to do as much work as you did yesterday. Reguardless of the pile of laundry or the dishes in the sink.
Some days I just would like to do nothing but type or write – to have no responsabilities.
I am certain that these thoughts and feelings will occur throughout life. That’s just the way it goes. I will try and be better at accepting that low days do come with the high days and that this is exactly part of life. I will not only accept, I will do my best to embrace. Because embracing gets you places even when whatever it is, is not something you want to wrap your arms around.
I’d rather not feel like this, and I can try and get out of it, but fighting it rarely works with me. It just gets me more riled up and frustrated. I usually end up in tears and sweating, trying to do too much at once.
It’s like the night before I gave birth. I was out raking leaves and straightening my hair. I was cleaning places in the house that I had never touched before. With a child especially, the cleaning spree you intend to go on, just doesn’t feel as good. Because half the time you have to stop mid-way. Half the time, you finish half the job.
So instead of trying to work through things around the house in a huff, I’ll save it for another day. A day where I’ll feel better about interupptions. A day when cleaning brings me up, instead of down.
Do you ever find that somedays are extra goodly good? You wake up and there really is no specific reason that comes to your head about why today feels so gosh darh lovely. If you look a bit closer maybe you can assemble the pieces for this. You got a good sleep, you’re excited to eat bacon as usual and the sky is bright. Maybe it is breezy outside and breeze to you, always counts as adventure.
Maybe its because your baby is in good spirits and has you laughing. Maybe because you bought a pile of groceries the night before and know you picked up those special soft nantucket cookies that are sensational to eat!
So many little things that can add to the goodness feel. Sometimes we forget that just being with our significant other is what makes us happy. When we become so used to things being around us, we forget that we’d be unhappy without it. Like breath. We all take that for granted. We all forget about it. But things like the capability of playing guitar, or interacting with others in a conversation.. the way we can smell the neighbours cooking there breakfast or hear the kids riding there bicycles around.
And it really is kind of sweetly so to think about when I tell you that today, the day I write and post these words, is not one of these good days. I awoke with a cold and had a yuckified sleep with split minutes of wake throughout. Nose has ran all morning but yet,
I write of good things, because sometimes,
that is the specific that can help make today feel so gosh darn lovely.