Miss and Individuality

I’ve been in Canada a year and a half now. After living in Thailand for five years.
I can tell you that I do not miss the place too much. I have pangs of it every now and then and a slew of specific moments that snag in my brain system. I don’t know what draws them out- usually it’s nothing relating to what my present moment is.
I don’t get stuck on them though-I let them pass for what they are and continue on.

As soon as those deep misses hit,immediatly following I feel either one of two things.

One: You want to be at the place you are not in; but  you have set a perfect example of the grass not being greener on the other side.

I want to go back sometimes, but if I think practically, the idea is absurd. I got into such a rut there ( my relationship at the time certainly aided it) that I began to detest my surroundings. Wanting nothing more, than my homeland.

Two: I am fortunate to be able to feel something like this. For a place like this, for a time in my life like this.

There are millions who will never know what living outside of learning what hackysack or hopscotch or caramilk chocolate bars are. Millions who will never spend five years of their life in a country with a language different then their own. People who will not know what it’s like to go without having a bath for years and only showers. Who will not know what it’s like to miss a bag of ketchup chips or honey nut cheerios.

And that’s okay.

I admit to never walking the Great Wall of China or trying to learn how to surf.
I’ve never even eaten an olive and liked it.

And this is what creates individuality.

 

 

 

Trying to Travel the Less Travelled

Hey Travellers,

You mostly all want to do the ‘non touristy’ stuff. To live like they do.
To experience life as they would. To not buy a Tourist Magazine and book tours or go to the top rated temple in the world or scuba dive like they can not afford or buy Starbucks like the people behind the counters’ wages couldn’t even buy in one hour.

I lived in Thailand for 5 years. I lived in a tourist city. ( That was where my Dad was located for work.)

I met many many travellers.
And believe it or not, this was a common theme as well.
” We just wanna stay on this unbeaten path and yuh know, scope out the way they live’.

Fair enough.
I get your curiousity.
And by no means am I faulting it.

But I kind of am.

Because you see,
your glimpses of ‘the way they live’
are like 12 snowflakes in a full sized igloo.

I realize that I’m a little tainted and under valued.
I just want to make the point that you aren’t the only ones doing it.
Don’t think you’re the hippest coolest travellors around ( I’ve met a lot that think they’re doing a route that no one else has’ ) when hundreds of you are doing the same thing.
Truth is,
all you off beaten travellers,

are slowly but surely,
making that off beaten path
a beaten down trail of direction to what will eventually be a page in the next
‘Places to Go when in India’.

Trip to Happy.

When people come back home to visit their family and friends, whether they are driving training or planeing, hours and effort need to be considered.

It is common for us all to say that we are busy, we’ve been busy, had so many jobs to get done;you and I have both said as much. It is easy to and partially true. We DO get busy.

But here’s the silly and obvious catch. Not always are we busy with what we want to be busy with, but when we are not busy with those responsabilities, where does our time go?

We choose it, right?

We’ll spend time with what makes us happy won’t we.

Alas, I feel this only holds the majority of truth, not all.

Maybe it’s not always happy organizing a trip. It can be work and tiring. Stressfull. It could possibly create conflict between you and traveling companion. There must be a pull. Must be a happy in that place to be visited. Family.Friends.

In turn, allowing any outsider to look at you and understand that your willingness and determination in trips home, means a devotion and drive for your happy. Which could be different then family and friends of course but I’m focusing on that reason.

 

When I see people visiting there home places, wherever they are coming from, it shows me that bonds between people do exist, and that a pursuement of happy is a reality and that humans do have the ability to motivate others, even if it unknown and unintentional.

Quite frankly,making this planet a brighter place.

 

Leaving Loved Ones

I have been in Canada the past two months. The country I grew up in . The people and culture that is now engrained in me. Within 24 hours, I will be at an airport with my son and Mother and I will be flying 18 flight hours back to Thailand where house is and husband will be and I will pick up on my life there, where I left off.
For the past four years I have been living on both sides of the world and I don’t know how to do it any other way. I am scared for the future. I am excited. I am aching with the goodbyes and my stomach is sick with dread. With what I know is to come.
My eyes are bloodshot and dry, tired and drained.
I don’t know how to do it any other way because this is what I have known. This is the heart ache I go through every single time I come for a visit. This is the pull and the push that happens. That leaves me weak in the knees. I am exhausted and feel numb and empty and full of every emotion all at once.
I am in shock.
In unbelievability.
Because it doesn’t make sense in my head how the time happened. How in two days I will be back to an entirely different lifestyle.
I am freaked out because I don’t know how I will be. I shake and spin and hope that I can do this. That I can get through one of the hardest times leaving.
I do it this way, involve and invest, attatch and connect to people here because if i don’t have this, then I don’t have much.I need this closness in order to feel valuable in this world.
I need to feel loved by more than just one person.
Leaving loved ones is one of the worst feelings.
But because I can feel that way about them, it is also one of the best.

It is better to feel,
then not to at all.