Frozed Up Mouth

I had my tooth pulled today.
It was infected.

None of it actually really hurt.
They froze the left side of my jaw.
That was the first time tears started falling into my ears.
And I couldn’t get the motion to speak figured out.
It was the uncontrol. The fact that these two ladies ( professional ) could like rip my lip off or stab my gum, or switch my teeth around in there. I was helpless to their help.

The second time I cried was when I felt the flurry of there hands through my clenched eyes, and the pressure and pull. And I couldn’t breathe quite right. It was running breath I couldn’t slow to a walk and it was because I just felt that this was more difficult then they anticipated. Sharp intake of breath and I sat up in the seat and within 20 seconds my hyperventilation was over and I layed still, clenching a kleenix. Oh how I wished I brought my sons favourite stuffy.

But I got through it.
Now I sit with gauze and blood and frozen.

Trip to Happy.

When people come back home to visit their family and friends, whether they are driving training or planeing, hours and effort need to be considered.

It is common for us all to say that we are busy, we’ve been busy, had so many jobs to get done;you and I have both said as much. It is easy to and partially true. We DO get busy.

But here’s the silly and obvious catch. Not always are we busy with what we want to be busy with, but when we are not busy with those responsabilities, where does our time go?

We choose it, right?

We’ll spend time with what makes us happy won’t we.

Alas, I feel this only holds the majority of truth, not all.

Maybe it’s not always happy organizing a trip. It can be work and tiring. Stressfull. It could possibly create conflict between you and traveling companion. There must be a pull. Must be a happy in that place to be visited. Family.Friends.

In turn, allowing any outsider to look at you and understand that your willingness and determination in trips home, means a devotion and drive for your happy. Which could be different then family and friends of course but I’m focusing on that reason.

 

When I see people visiting there home places, wherever they are coming from, it shows me that bonds between people do exist, and that a pursuement of happy is a reality and that humans do have the ability to motivate others, even if it unknown and unintentional.

Quite frankly,making this planet a brighter place.

 

Flying in my Heart

I flew around the world with a human-my son,who had only spent 4 montharoos in the worldy. Me and my 24 year old self.
I don’t know, maybe that should have sunk in and it should be considered a small feat and what some Moms do all the time.
But it was me and everytime I think about that time, I feel I was very young.

It was, and is, a giant feat for me that I feel proud about.

And now?

My son flies around my heart in his own special capsule in his own special space every single day. He’s got his own flight path and neither of us are the pilots-it’s just called love.
We fly alone together everywhere.

To the grocery store. Through dreams. Through tears.

Even when apart.

He takes the flight in my heart that is a flight that lasts forever.
And no matter how young or how old I feel,
it will always be the case-
plane and simple.

Maybe It Wasn’t Such a Good/Bad Thing

Maybe my trip to Canada was the best and worst thing.
I came back and I am no longer content. I experienced life the way that I prefer, the way that I realized I had forgotton existed. I lived with people I swung on swings with, I ate timbits and walked by the bay and then I came back and figured out not that I had none of that here, but that I needed it. So now I am unhappy and trying to build and create and make it what I can because I am capable. But it is so very difficult when you are working with darkness inside your head and a numbness in your heart. When the tools you have aren’t equipped for this understanding.
That maybe somewhere along the way, I jumped in too fast.

I am usually wonderful at convincing myself that I am where I want to be but suddenly that has become very difficult to do.
Canada has made me not as comfortable here and if I didn’t know the other side,couldn’t I just continue living without knowing?
And then I’d be missing out on a fun. So am I glad for this hit on the chin? Am I glad for the trip that turned my life in a direction I haven’t discovered yet?
I have yet to figure it out and when I do, I’ll let you know.

I Made It!

Just letting everyone know I made it back to my homeland in one piece.
Baby, Mom and all. The first 5 hour flight went well-Zeek slept the whole way.
Weren’t in Korea too long-enough time to feed him and let him roam the floor for 45 minutes. Talk about a dirty kid.
The 13 hour flight went by. I didn’t sleep well-held on to Z the entire times he slept. Hostesses were nice enough. Only had a little fussy time when he was tired but wouldn’t sleep. Overall an 8 outta 10 flight.

Canada feels amazing. It always does.
The english language seeps into my bones so good. Like a rush. Made me cry as I was exiting the airplane. The sky seems bluer, the air more crisp and people driving, I can actually see. The windows aren’t deeply tinted like they usually are in Thailand.

Everything is more clean and neat. The wires, the roads.. The fields are amazing. Corn. I haven’t seen in years. Stands up tall.
The grass is green and soft. The trees are tall and healthy.
My eyes are puffy but I am overwhelemingly happy to be here.

I am in love with my country.

A Trip Home?

I’m thinking about making a trip back home.
I was just back there for the holidays six months ago…
And husband and I agreed we wouldn’t go in the winter again.
I was excited for the snow and chill and igloos, but bundling up a three month old ( at the time ) and worrying about keeping him warm every hour minute sure made that miss dissipate quickly.
So we won’t be going back this winter. Which means Summer would be the next Season to greet us in my country.

My dude turned nine months old yesterday which as I read, is the month that stranger anxiety peaks. My entire family is a stranger to him.

And a 12 hour flight on top of a six hour one.
I’ve done it before. Alone even too. But baby didn’t need six noisy toys to distract, baby hadn’t discovered the top of his vocal chords, baby didn’t even care about me all that much.

We shall see!

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