Some of us like routine.
Some of us stick to the things that we know and don’t venture on the unknown.
But how’d ya figure out you liked steak?
How’d you know you liked wearing silk over cotton?
And you know you like coffee. You actually have one every morning?
Here’s why you know:
At some point in your life you ventured out for a moment and whether conscious thought or not – you thought, ‘ Hey,I’m going to try this. I’ll have this. I haven’t tried it before’.
And now it’s the only perfume you wear. Now it’s the only toilet paper you use.
You couldn’t go about your routine without your Apple product! No!
Don’t get too stuck in your ways. You brave a little of the unknown in life -and yes-
it could be a sad,unwanted outcome,
but it could also end up being the girl you happily spend your life with.
I was getting ready for work and was close to the mirror. I knew the right side of the top of my head hurt ever since I awoke. But it was only a few hours later that I looked closely. And was in surprise to see a bloody cut.
I don’t know what it is from besides it being from last night.
That’s a bit messed up..but then again, so are all the unknown-how-I-got-them bruises all over my arms and legs.
I don’t recall experiencing such highs and such lows, one after the other, in all my life.
Soaring for days, for weeks even, and then plummeting in an instant. Finding self in the dark caves of insecurity with self abosrbed and self hating rocks in all the tunnels.
How the hell did I get here?
I’m stretching out my arms, with my fingertips trembling for any sort of sense.
But the thing is, it all does. It makes sense why I’m here, how I’m here and why I feel the way I do. Well, that part gets me a bit confused. I’m not really sure why I reach very low points. Other then the reason I’m going through a divorce and I’m terrified about what happens to my child in the future. Sort of a lack of control. Future does have you behind the controls to some extent and even though I still do-I can afterall, control my behaviour, my actions and try and steer my feelings accordenly- it feels that all of a sudden life has dropped the drive to go forward and I’m coasting towards a giant brick wall.
My desire to see friends wanes. I know they’ll make me happy but when I reach low, it’s hard to even want to be happy. Self Pity. Oh what a deadly thing.
Do you ever find that somedays are extra goodly good? You wake up and there really is no specific reason that comes to your head about why today feels so gosh darh lovely. If you look a bit closer maybe you can assemble the pieces for this. You got a good sleep, you’re excited to eat bacon as usual and the sky is bright. Maybe it is breezy outside and breeze to you, always counts as adventure.
Maybe its because your baby is in good spirits and has you laughing. Maybe because you bought a pile of groceries the night before and know you picked up those special soft nantucket cookies that are sensational to eat!
So many little things that can add to the goodness feel. Sometimes we forget that just being with our significant other is what makes us happy. When we become so used to things being around us, we forget that we’d be unhappy without it. Like breath. We all take that for granted. We all forget about it. But things like the capability of playing guitar, or interacting with others in a conversation.. the way we can smell the neighbours cooking there breakfast or hear the kids riding there bicycles around.
And it really is kind of sweetly so to think about when I tell you that today, the day I write and post these words, is not one of these good days. I awoke with a cold and had a yuckified sleep with split minutes of wake throughout. Nose has ran all morning but yet,
I write of good things, because sometimes,
that is the specific that can help make today feel so gosh darn lovely.