This afternoon I had a very functioning thought:
‘ It’s not going to happen, we’re not going to be together until the day I drive by your house and I see you sitting outside.
Then, depending on how much one another wants it to happen, I will drive by your house according to that, and you will sit outside according to that. ‘
And then outside of this thought I think, ‘
Well then we would be driving and sitting in those spots as often as we could.’
I am standing on a solid
I didn’t have mere months ago.
I was swallowing the booze everyday
and wanted little to do with life
I am here.
I am feeling sure of many things
I felt no such thing 5 weeks ago.
I was wishing death was easier
and was angry because I couldn’t do it
I am here.
I am here where I watch the flower fluffs float in the sun down by the creek.
Everything seems to have a beauty.
There is a peace I’ve found just in pushing forward.
I wasn’t expecting this.
But this must be why I kept going.
I believe in me and my ability to love the changes I’m undertaking. I don’t know exactly where this came from. To let go of all the mistakes I’ve made and to release myself of guilt. To know that I don’t need to carry it around. I actually don’t. And if anyone in my past wants to hold things against me, to not even give me a chance to shine in spite of my bad choices, then I do not need them in my life.
I will live better without them.
I am here
and the love for MY life is greater because of it.
A skim of surface and a whirl of depth,
create the even-glow of wonder.
The eyes of close and the mind of open,
whimper near to soul.
And all you ever want, is to fee that your love is full.