Kind Gesture

A man and I were walking towards the Tim Hortons doors. He got there before me and stepped around the door, holding it open and waited till I got closer. Thank you my teeth grin and sometimes there is the second door and I’m already thinking of it when I see him do the first door spin thing. So I pull the handle on the second door and I step aside and hold it wide and I look up at him because my shoes aren’t as interesting as someone I’ve looked in the eyes not more then once, and he slow moes in my head as his eyes crinkle out his smile and the look of trained hesitancy follows suit even though he’s wearing steel toed boots and a grey streaked pullover. I almost think he’s going to swear out a thank you, his gleam looks that excited.
He enters the store and he steps aside, and turns to me and says, ” You go ahead’, and my heart chuckles and I do step ahead.
I order. He orders shortly after at the next cashier. Maybe the employees had to go to the grocery store to get the bacon for my order.I ordered two things. His order is done before mine and his hands have 7 different cups as he is headed towards the exit. I slant forward quickly and I push that exit door open and I swing around with fresh, and I look him in the eyes and I say ” I don’t need the last laugh, I prefer the last kindness. Now you go and distribute.” And there are smiles the size of the Grand Canyon as we walk our way out of each other’s physical realm.

Little big smalls to take across the board of your day.

Always Ever, Feel

The world spun me backwards, that afternoon in the shade.
It whittled it’s way into my grass bones and slowed down everything.
Until I felt life and things, sliding away from me.
I didn’t want that. I really didn’t.
And that’s when the speed disoriented me; like a feather in a hurricane.

I dug into my pockets in a calm frantic for a feeling and I pulled it out and
held it close to my confused heart.
I just felt it and felt it and felt it and accepted that I was and
I was letting that feeling be and realized it meant I was dealing and when I dealt
that’s then the world launched forward.
And I was ever always, going to be okay.
As long as I let myself feel what I was,
I was always ever, going to be okay.

 

World

The World ran away from me one day.
I was out eating a pear under a tree
and it just clapped shut and took itself.
I didn’t have my pear but I still had my mind
and I thought to it,
it is impossible for the World to steal
It owns everything, It is everything.
People steal from people,
we rob ourselves of seeing beauty
but the World doesn’t take anything from us.
It gives pears and trees, and grounds to sit on.

and for that,
I’ll give World me.

I’ll stand Worlds’ ground
and give It me.

Accept Holidays, you Hue mans

 

Holidays are on the calender. They are days off of school. They are days off of work. You’ll complain about the marketing tactics, how it’s all just a scam, yet you’ll book a trip to Montreal on those days off and you will love it.

Don’t complain about how everyone should be showing their utmost love on more than just Valentines Day. When you don’t.
Instead of boycotting holidays, accept them.
Because unless you’re going to start a campaign that stretches across the world, the holiday ain’t gonna change.
They are in our calender year of life.

If you’re gonna stay home and sulk, then fine, do it. But don’t try and drag everybody else down with you.
If some 40 year olds want to dress up green, sparkle there face up and wear short Irish skirts and not even be Irish,
let them.
Being happy for other peoples happiness, regardless of where it derives from- is a beautiful quality to have.

Have fun with it, because you can’t change it.

In turn, you’ll likely turn out happier yourself and who knows,
maybe join in the next time someones having a Hop Along Easter Bunny Party and have the best carrot cake you’ve ever tasted.

A Better Conclusion. For Life.

Sure, his family may think I had a guy over and had sex with him. Sure, his family may think I invited that guy to their sons’ hockey game.
Sure they may think I am a cheater, a lier, and a downright terrible person.

The idea of that family, whom I grew so close with and loved being around, disliking me and thinking things about me that are not true, is a really crappy feeling.
It turned me sick quite often last month.

But here is my healthy conclusion: 

They are seven people. And yes, they have friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/wives that will assume they know the story which adds more people to the list. Let’s say 14 altogether.

They are 14 individuals.

Out of the however many billion on this planet.

I can move forward and represent myself better and the best.
I can meet one hundred new, loving, friendly people who will get to see the best version of me I have.
I will forever be sad when I think about that family hating me, but one has to move on.I am not used to being disliked but my choices from the far past have made the assumptions alive.

So I must live with that. And be a better person who makes better choices to prevent the next 14 people, from thinking I’ve done nothing better, than cheat on their son. 

That’s my brilliant conclusion this week and it feathers my spirit to flight.

Day four of no drink. 😉

 

 

Keep This

Levels keep at it,
the rich soggy of all the nation,
keep at it.

Timid folly on the floor,
grace knots with knowledge,
real life daily
the colour of soul.

Bleak branch and bottom out,
tack on realms of super dust
and hope.

Willing and Betting, and Begging,
all kneeling at the knees of night.
Find this
you will,
if you keep at it.

You Should be Dating This

You want to cuddle up to someone, give gifts to someone and get told wonderful things about you? About who you are as a person, at the very core? Do you want to feel loved like you are known? Do you want to be spontaneous with someone, to zip out the door on any day at any time and have that someone there? Do you want to have flowers and flames and hot chocolate and feel like you’re never going to be let go?

Then date fucking World.

Cuddle up to leafery and grass heaps. Roll down hills of green, through fields of brown. Give World the gift of your Life. Give It your all and listen to the beautiful reciprications. Listen to the wind, the birds and all the incredible sounds of your new partner. World.

Plan and don’t plan. World is here. As long as you’re living, you know it. And it knows you. Better than anyone else does. World loves you Don’t be lonely with it. Take It for walks and cart wheels. Take it for all the worth you know it is but won’t ever comprehend. Take the fucking World and make It Yours.

I tell you,

date the fucking World and let It’s love soak into your soul.

Real Life.

Somedays I want to meet everybody.

I want to live in a big city where the movies make life seem like it’s easy and fun and that the soundtrack works and flows through every single part of life.

I want to meet one of the people that follow me. I want to know more about the online world through you. I feel sometimes, that it is the only real world that exists to me.

And I want to know that

because i know it means something.

Please tell me what.

The Day I Saw the World

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photo cred:samefeetdifferentpaths.com

I sat there for an hour and one half and I just watched people drive by and some dogs go by and people running and people going thru drive thru and the average was about five minutes through and I was always usually pretty shy of adults and now even though they are still adult to me, they are less old. I am closer to there age and they are closer to mine and men that have white hair are actually people that like young and funny and are okay with being with someone that is half their age because of it.
Thailand told me this.
Thailand told me that 65 year old big gutted men still want sex. It told me that 80 year olds will pay to have 20 year olds escort them around and it told me that even those men can fall in love and believe in every good darn minute of it.
Call me naive or sheltered or what you will, but I didn’t know any of that existed. Men are still attracted to woman at an age I thought was only meant for sitting on benches sipping newspapers and reading coffee.

And so as I sat there I thought about their lives outside of Tim Hortons’ parking lot. What they would be going home to and whether or not they were happy. I thought about being in their life and how I would change to have them like me and how I would find that easy to do. I thought about how I could be paid well in Thailand, to be that girl that is with the older men and how eventually I won’t have the looks or the body to be desired and how eventually this time in my life will be something I long for. Rather than scare me, it made me more determined not to eat another cookie, to keep my hair long before it becomes a pain and to keep my alertness in life on top of all things.

My conversation and cues and what others say or do are all things I am aware of and I often wonder where it comes from. The things which impact me and things I notice, are things that the next person does not. And the things I am slow at deciding or quick at forgetting, are things that the next person does the opposite of.It all comes from somewhere and I often wonder where and sitting on the lawn yesterday while the sun shined its way into all the living things, I figured out where.

It is not a very surprising place. It is not unusual or hard to understand.
It is simple because that is the way we are capable of making anything.
And if we are capable of making things simple, we are also capable of complicating them. Which is why it has taken so long for me to conclude that living is where it comes from.

Living is Time and Time has the ability to fill up with anything. It fills up with presents that eventually turn into pasts’ and pasts’ are memories that make up people whether they are remembered or not. That is where the things that impact me the way they do, come from. That is where the things that make you laugh or make you cry come from. And they won’t all be different from mine or the same and you can bet that living isn’t all where it comes from.
Parents of you and I have genetics and we are given them too and they are really the root of it and we are just the branches, swaying or not swaying, being leafy or unleafy.

I don’t see everything but yesterday for a few hours, that is how I saw the world.

Bringing Colour and Milk

After being on the Ipad or my computer for awhile life feels vivid when it is the iPhone I use instead.
It feels like the world is smaller this way. That everything is more tangible.

It’s the end of the week.

Start of the week.

They do keep going dont they.
Sometimes, not often, I do feel that I’m in a barrel and I’m rolling and rolling and seeing the same blade of grass or the same beetle with grit between its teeth and that the clouds are just the same.

I love clouds. I want to be a carebear just to sit in them.

Mise well paint rainbows too.
Chalk on sidewalks. I like that.
I sometimes, not often, imagine the chalk dust to be that of the fairy world. And if sprinkled just so, will bring weeds their coloured strength and myself some chocolate milk.