You are the soulstice to my ever glowing nature. The soulutions I find in my everyday. Your soulfullness resonates in my bones, that warm laundrified fuzzy blanket against bone skin. How soulganic we are in our soulitude. You soulidify so much purpose in my being, that soulving kind of souldier, dedicated not to beat the problems, but to make them understood. The absoulute of my breath, the consoulable feature of all teddy bear grub. My resoulationial feats when I get stuck in mind mud. I’d stay in isoulation with you, fuel ourselves with our gasouline and live in the factual heat. That all of this means you are my soul mate.
I wanted to get out of the house, so I went into town.
Drove slowly through the neighbourhood, went to a park and son had some food at a restaurant.Walking out- I see coming in, a father whose twin boys go to my sons school.
Four minutes later I am walking down the street holding a glass vase with a rose inside of it all wrapped up in paper and an unopened envelope addressed to me.
” Just because. because I’m going to miss seeing ya each week at school, ” he had said.
It does make me feel good about myself.
It takes me back to the memory of the older men that wanted to be with me while I was in Thailand.
The 52 year old Australian who bought me my first Iphone just because. Well, he wanted me to stick around of course..
he wanted me to come back and live with him. To be Mommy to his two boys who were had via surrogate. He was incredibly wealthy.
I am not bragging, I am stating facts.
I have been low the past few days and these facts lift my heart up a bit. In an odd and guilty way.
It makes me think of the 48 year old who comes reguarly into the store I work at and has told my co-worker he’d like to date me.
It makes me think that I’m worth something.
And it bothers me that I rarely see this for myself. I do not look for it out there, but I don’t see it unless it comes in this form.
Imagine our worth was gauged from space. Based on the visible of what we own. Field owners would be the richest people. Not even ones that own towers. And incorporate colours too. Blue shapes would be money lookin’ spaces. Spans of yellow would be worth a lot because of the profit that comes from it.
That’s a horrible way to judge someone’s worth in life.
To think a persons worth can even be calculated.
I’m worth three cars and she’s worth 12 cats. Um what?
I think it’s really neat that everyone is a different worth in someone’s eyes based on the relationship between the two people.
We are all worth something. aren’t we. And worth differently according to different people. But having more people in our lives that value us, doesn’t mean our worth is more.
It doesn’t add up like that.
I wonder how accurate we could place our own worth. Collect it from the various in our life and then divide it? I think that’s not where it should come from.
The most important worth to have, is our own.
And we see others worth of us, based on it.
But where does our self prescribed worth come from.
It must, alittle. Come from other people?
Our value in worth itself must be different from each other’s.
But it must come down to some core fundamentals.
People shouldn’t be worth any amount of physical substance. Coin. Sheep. Chocolate milk.
But does it make it okay if we attach the word unlimited?’ They are worth an unlimited amount of hugs.’ ‘ They are worth more than all the peanuts in the world. And then some. ‘
We are always worth our own time.
Because without it,
we wouldn’t have anything to be worthy of.
Where do the worthy components come from?
From the people we grew up knowing? Our family?
The person we have become?
They are general speculations and I cant quite get to the specifics because I simply don’t know where they are.
I didn’t think much about it. It’s just something that locates itself in the back of the mind and stays, sitting on a chair of confidence about it’s own knowledge. Indeed it is a fact that I have been with WordPress for two years. I created a blog before I even found out I was pregnant. I didn’t even want to incorporate a lot of baby and mommy stuff into it. When I think back now to my real reason in signing up for this and whether or not I’ve achieved what I’ve wanted to, I can’t say I have. It’s because I didn’t set a goal nor a level of accomplishment I wanted to reach. I am happy with that. I know mainly, that when I look back on these posts years from now, I will be able to collect a lot of these feelings I have had. I will be opening a chest of the forgotton treasures of my past and it will instill a sense of youth inside of me.
I don’t write just for that.
I write because it makes me feel a different type of worth. Because I like how I write and what I write. I think if any of us bloggers wrote posts we hated or didn’t like how we constructed sentences or ideas, we wouldn’t have a blog. We all feel a sense of worth when it comes to our blog domain.
Happy Two Years to myself and the ones that have followed me from the beginning. Happy all around to the recent ones that have clicked follow and to those that clicked months ago. It is all so appreciated. 🙂