Baun Step

It swallowed me whole
that afternoon in mid May
My teeth sunk into twisting purpose,

like those freckles displaying
Mays’ confidence.
The sun like summer
coming in early.

We wrestled with the tender idea that
maybe after all of this,
we weren’t going to be anything but another month
in the line up to December.



I hate you, I love you 2016

At first thought I’d just like to rip 2016 off my leg like a badly designed mole or freckle. Or like my sons car, drop it into the tub and watch it drown. Or you know, possibly tie it to a train track, throw it off a bridge or bury it next to the core of the earth.

But then I have second thoughts and realize how irrational I’m being.
My sons car has no breath to drown, a train crash and a bridge throw just means pieces of stuff strewn about and the core of the earth burial just means meltage into the soil and new growth.

My point is,
2016 you sucked. You sucked the wind outta my engine sails. You beat me till I near fell off the step ladder at work and was deemed by my family, unsafe to drive. You forced truths, activities and confrontations.
You intervened violently, cutting off air supply to a creation I had chosen to live with ( and feed )  for years. We only know what we know and 2016,  at first you were ugly and battling against me. You were not what I was familiar with,  I knew nothing about you and you scared me.

But 2016,
I love you.
There was a time you were my enemy and I couldn’t imagine feeling this.
You may have sucked a lot out of me but I see now, it was the bad stuff – And in it’s place, You blew a difference into me that I’m excited to show your relative, 2017.
You changed me bigtime 2016. Not like the ancestry of your fore fathers or mamas or siblings. Man, you got me.

Thank you for being the best bad of my life so far. For putting up with my constant wish to cancel the orders I never made for you. For dealing with my stubborn and slow acceptance, my resistance and denial.
I respect you for what you’ve taught myself and I will forever be more appreciative of hardships.

May I make me and 2017 proud!



Accept Holidays, you Hue mans


Holidays are on the calender. They are days off of school. They are days off of work. You’ll complain about the marketing tactics, how it’s all just a scam, yet you’ll book a trip to Montreal on those days off and you will love it.

Don’t complain about how everyone should be showing their utmost love on more than just Valentines Day. When you don’t.
Instead of boycotting holidays, accept them.
Because unless you’re going to start a campaign that stretches across the world, the holiday ain’t gonna change.
They are in our calender year of life.

If you’re gonna stay home and sulk, then fine, do it. But don’t try and drag everybody else down with you.
If some 40 year olds want to dress up green, sparkle there face up and wear short Irish skirts and not even be Irish,
let them.
Being happy for other peoples happiness, regardless of where it derives from- is a beautiful quality to have.

Have fun with it, because you can’t change it.

In turn, you’ll likely turn out happier yourself and who knows,
maybe join in the next time someones having a Hop Along Easter Bunny Party and have the best carrot cake you’ve ever tasted.

New Feel in the Picture

My sons father hasn’t seen his son in one year and three months.
It was a sacrifice he chose. For me. For his son.
I still love the man because he is good. He just wasn’t right for me.

In five days he will meet his son.
Because his son is altogether new. Unfamiliar. Different then the last time.

So yesterday, I got the burst of a new feel.

I am excited to show him our son.
For him to represent my hard work and dedication of over a year.
I am responsible for his manners and his voice. The words he uses and his diaperless bum. I am the reason behind a lot of the good things and of course, some of the bad.

I am excited to show him the being we made and how it is no longer a 7 pound wriggle, but a 31 pound child that hugs hugs-the best I’ve ever had.
He’s my heart beating reason,
and I’m excited to show him that.