Changing the Basis of our Decisions

I have lived my whole life making decisions based solely on two things.
Feelings and
What I want.

And frankly,
it won’t surprise me if you’ve done the same thing.

It is a terrible backing for a life frame.
You know why ?

Because feelings change and what we want isn’t always the best for us.
Because we won’t stay married if we are always choosing with our feelings.
Because we continue to want even after getting what we wanted.

We will never be satisfied if we choose with these two things as our main reasons.

Feelings are important and need to be validated.  This is for certain. But we don’t need to act on them to do this.Heck, who knows where we would all be if we acted on every single feeling we had.

Which brings me to my next fact: There ARE some behavioral limits we have set without even knowing. We ARE capable of not acting on our feelings.

So why then, must we continually put feelings and wants at the forefront of our decision making?

  •  It’s the easiest. We don’t have to think about why; it’s enough just to know we feel this certain way.
  •  Less stressful.
  •  It’s usually justified. We place so much importance on our feelings that NOT following them feels wrong.
  •  It makes the most sense to us.

A few things happen when we choose like this.

  • A bad habit forms.
    It becomes that other peoples feelings start to matter less. Our first instinct isn’t to think about how it will make the other person feel or to think of what they would want.
  • We become selfish and self absorbed and guess what. We don’t even know it because we’re going off our feelings and our feelings aren’t..ever wrong. People in our lives will eventually recognize the pattern;that their happiness comes below ours. Every Single Time.

Another problem when we choose based on feelings:

  • We expect them to stay the same.
    But that’s just the thing. Feelings DO change.
    I believe there’s this misconception in relationships that yes, we’re aware there’s going to be tough times ahead, but that we’ll still feel love for them or care for them in those times. When in reality, you won’t. That’s when choosing to love your partner regardless of how you FEEL at that time, is such an important, conscious decision to make. 
  •  Unresolved issue. It’s not an easy task and it’s why so many of us opt for the feeling route. If we feel upset, directly correlated to that feeling is the desire to remove ourselves from the situation. Often times, this just dormants the problem and eventually, another similar episode will bring it to the surface.

We need to assess how we are making the majority of our decisions. And if a lot of them are founded on feelings and desires, to rewire that.

Into logic or common sense. To practicality or rational. For the consideration of others. For long-term prospects or security.

Once we start the shift, it will get easier.

 

 

 

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4 comments on “Changing the Basis of our Decisions

  1. ericstrong51 says:

    I had just been wondering about this. The current ‘thing’, if you listen to spiritual teachers, is to tune into your emotions / feelings and you won’t go wrong. It’s your true compass. But I think you’re right. Emotions and feelings change at the drop of a hat. The person I liked yesterday is a jerk today. Good post.

    • Lively Life says:

      Why thank you ES51. I do think your feelings need to be accounted for and thought about. They really aren’t ever wrong. Since there are so many roots and ways to come to a certain feeling, I think those reasons get bypassed. If we think more about those feelings, we can get a rational sense surrounding us and make better choices because of it 🙂 Thanks for your comment!

  2. I feel like I could talk about this for hours, but as I read it I was reminded of some fundamental truths. There’s far more detail to all of what I’m getting at, but in a basic term, we forget about evolution and our fight or flight survival instincts. When you’re caught up in a moment you never think about the chemicals in your body creating environments. You look at someone with adoration and never think that this drug released in my brain is the same one cocaine releases.

    Then there’s our snap judgements. We’re not as in control of our biases as we think. But what led to those quick decisions we don’t think about. It could have been an influence from when we were kids that set us on a path to react as we do as adults. I’m typing frantically. Lol.

    I find this to be a very fascinating topic and I was happy to read what you wrote. I’m gonna follow just for that. Haha.

  3. Lively Life says:

    Didn’t forget aboutcha OI. Definitely agree about past experiences that affect our feelings or behavior towards different situations that come up in the present. And the quick bit is, is that we won’t even initially recognize where it’s coming from. ‘We only know what we know’ is a concrete. When there are a zillion peoples out there, we can’t possibly expect to know what makes them react or choose the way they do. Heck, they probably don’t even know the extensive layering to it .I don’t even know what track I’m on writing this, but on it I’ll add that as complex as feelings can be, I really think they are very simple when they are put under the microscope. Maybe not as simple as logic – ha! That’s another thing, is everyones logic different!? – It’s very easy to choose with what we feel. It can get us in trouble.. I don’t mean for you and I and the zillion out there to play it safe, I just mean that logic needs to at least have an opportunity to play a part. Hoppy Halidays!

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